Pseudo-Dating, aka “Hollarin’”, aka “Friend-Girl Status”, aka “Land of Nod”

For several years, many of my friends have latched on to my vocab term and concept of “pseudo-dating” – if you’ve never heard of it before, you’ll know what I’m talking about soon enough. You know….when a guy and a girl hang out and do all kinds of fun stuff together, but there is a total mystery about the point of it all? Or when a guy and a girl totally act like they are just friends, but there’s some kind of “datey” thing going on?

If you are a girl – who is hanging out with a guy – and you find yourself having singular random thoughts about what the heck is going on….guess what!? You guys are pseudo-dating.

A few fun facts about PD:

1) PD is intentionally ambiguous.
2) PD is often called “pre-dating”, because it is what usually occurs when people don’t want to make things too serious by calling all of their hang out time an actual, categorical name prior to actual “dating”.
3) PD works out for many, but it can also be very sad, because often the two people involved become so comfortable in their PD status that they don’t want to change anything. Therefore, many potentially amazing relationships are lost because PD’ing couples sometimes cross into the Land of Nod, aka “perma-friend” status – when you totally cannot see yourself dating this person, no matter how great you guys would be for each other. This is definitely a danger zone. If you can help it, do NOT enter into the Land of Nod. I’ve actually known a few Land of Nodders that were best friends, but couldn’t cross into dating territory because they were afraid of ruining the friendship or worse, that person now seemed more like a sibling. Hello! That, my friends, is not only sad, it sucks ‘real bad’ as my 17-year-old brother would put it. Poo on that. :P
4) PD is prevalent in college, but often guys like PD so much that they continue to seek out PD relationships with girls well into their adult lives. Don’t get me wrong – it’s really fun to PD, but come on guys.

Ok, now that we’ve reviewed all of the basics of PD, I’ll get right to the point – I think that I am finding myself in what eventually may be a PD friendship/relationship. We haven’t been hanging out for very long, but the signs are flickering - Help! Here is the evidence:

1) We do fun, low key things together that have never involved me having to be picked up from my apartment.
2) With one small exception (a default situation), I’ve paid for everything of mine – food, parking, whatever. There have been no offers to pay, even if it was an invite to a function. I know we’re just friends, but don’t be fooled - I’m not exactly Thoroughly Modern Millie.
3) My friend says and does just enough to spark my interest and at the same time keep me completely in the dark about whether or not he has any intentions whatsoever in hanging out with me. So, if he never called or emailed me again, he would seemingly have no blood on his hands from all of this hangout time and would technically not be responsible for any reaction I had to a possible “move on”. PD PERFECTED.

So we’ve been hanging out for about a month. And NO, I’m not picking out a dress and naming our kids! I’m not like that - I roll with it. I’m done with having all kinds of crazy expectations, but I do have one, and it’s important: I’d like to know whether he would really like to get to know me - whether he has intentions other than just having fun with a friend-girl. Is that too much? Am I crazy?

Confession: buying me a soda would probably do the trick.

What do you think?